Counselors & Strategic Counseling for Raleigh, Cary, Apex, & Morrisville at Cary Counseling Center (Tele. 919 467 1180)
Dr. Bryce Kaye
Psychologist, Counselor and Author of The Marriage 
FirstAid Kit - A book on how to repair your marriage.
To read more about the book, Click Here
Strategic Counseling is Active and Direct
"Strategic counseling" is active and direct unlike the passive listening performed by many counselors. Whether it's individual psychotherapy or couples counseling, I work with a logical plan on how to help you to achieve your goals. I believe that you deserve more out of counseling than just being heard and supported. My active style is to teach you different strategies to gradually change your emotions and emotionally driven behaviors over time. That way, you can grow to become the person or the couple that you want to be.
So that you can better understand my approach to counseling, I have placed an incredible amount of useful information on this website. If you seek marriage counseling, then open the following Marriage First Aid Kit to help yourselves even before you come to counseling.
The following are some of the kinds of counseling that I do. Click on any topic for a more in-depth description of how I approach it.
Marriage counseling and relationship therapy (Click Here)
Adjustment counseling & stress management (Click Here)
Healing emotional wounds (trauma resolution) (Click Here)
Raising self-esteem and reducing self-defeating shame (Click Here)
Anger management & assertiveness training (Click Here)
Some technical papers I have written about some innovative forms of counseling:
Reversing Reciprocal Suppression in the Anterior Cingulate Cortex
Conflict Inoculation Training
Interactive Cognitive Motor Interweaves
Read this to help your marriage even before marriage counseling:
1) Please save this page under "favorites." You can help us to keep this free service for others by reducing costly search engine access.
2) Use the on-line diagnostic tools in our on-line version of The Marriage First Aid Kit. See which syndromes apply to your marriage. Pay particular attention to a) the Emotional Starvation Syndrome, b) the Pursuer - Evader Syndrome and c) the Delinquent Helper Syndrome. Ask your spouse to read the same and discuss the reading to reach a consensus.
3) Both of you need to read chapters 1 through 4 of the main book. It's complex reading but it's the best synopsis of what really goes on in relationships. You may want to print out these pages for easier reading.
4) If your marriage suffers from Emotional Starvation Syndrome, then study chapter 4 in the main book and set up regular weekly "connection" times for you and your spouse. Use the exercises in chapter 4 to re-ignite emotional intimacy. If you have problems, then read chapters 5 and 7.
5) If your marriage suffers from Pursuer - Evader Syndrome, then study chapter 8 diligently. Both you and your spouse will need to practice the "When and Where Rule" and especially the micro-corrections exercise. The latter exercise has restored passion in many relationships by removing covert inhibition. However, the process requires about 6 weeks of diligent practice.
6) If your marriage suffers from Delinquent Helper Syndrome, then read chapter 10 and go through the procedure for re-negotiating "ownership" of responsibilities to replace "helpership."
7) Read the rest of the main book if you desire. You can also read the on-line advice given to others about other types of marriage problems.
Click Here to watch Dr. Kaye discuss some important relationship truths.
Watch Dr. Kaye explain what's really going on during destructive conflict:
Watch Dr. Kaye explain a useful tool for anger management during conflict:
Watch Dr. Kaye describe how you can improve anger management after a conflict:
Diagnostics -
An on-line kit to help identify the most common marriage problems
These chapters from my book will give you some good ideas for how you can help your relationship, even without seeing marriage counselors. (Adobe reader is required. You can download it at:
http://get.adobe.com/reader/ )
Contents
Introduction
A few words about why and how this books was written..
Chapter 1 - The Great No-No
This chapter illustrates how our own fear of shame is the greatest obstacle we have to face if we want to improve an intimate relationship.
Chapter 2 - The Structure of Vital Relationships
Love based relationships do not have as much stability or resilience as do integrity based relationships. Ths chapter describes the strong foundation of a relationship that can stand the test of time.
Chapter 3 - Balance and Paradox
A vital relationship needs to be dynamic and not static. Opposing needs and emotional states must be kept balanced over time. This chapter unravels the paradox.
Chapter 4 - Nurturing Healthy Attachments
Relationships must be fed. It's not enough to just feel. This chapter explains the fundamentals about how attachment needs can be effectively met.
Chapter 5 - Love's Hidden Assassin
A very common relationship killer operates far below our awareness. It leads to the numbing loss of attraction and affection.
Chapter 6 - The Other Usual Suspects
This chapter outlines the other most common relationship killers.
Chapter 7 - Freeing and Strengthening Your Hedonic Self
If you're starting to numb out and lose attraction, this chapter suggests what you do to start resuscitating the part of yourself that's going dormant.
Chapter 8 - Defending Autonomy
This chapter gives you tools to ward off covert inhibition that might otherwise strangle your affection.
Chapter 9 - Managing Conflict
This chapter describes various forms of constructive and destructive conflict. Tools for appropriate management are provided.
Chapter 10 - Sharing Power and Authority
This chapter contains helpful tools for negotiating chores, structuring finances, and dealing with in-laws.
Chapter 11 - Great Sex
This chapter describes elements that foster great sex as well as some guidelines on how to get there.
Chapter 12 - Mapping Your Strategy
This chapter discusses planning for change.
Chapter 13 - Conclusion
Addendum: Message to a Daughter
Glossary
I encourage you to compare all this information with the writings of other counselors to ensure that your choice reflects the best fit for you.
If you want to explore the possibility of selecting me as your counselor, I usually recommend one session and then you can go home and think about it. One session is usually enough time for me to give you feedback about a recommended direction and strategy fopr counseling.. To schedule a meeting time at Cary Counseling Center, in Raleigh or Cary call 919-467-1180. If you want me to see you at Oriental Counseling Center, call me at 252-249-3099.
