Appropriate for Dynamic Needs-Based Couples Counseling
Couples must agree to no adjudication or triangulation
Dr. Kaye has informed us that the strategy for performing Dynamic Needs-Based Couples Counseling is neuroscience based. The strategy is summarized in his paper which can be downloaded here. It is not compatible or effective for certain kinds of situations. This memorandum is to help ensure that there is no misalignment of expectations. Therefore, I understand and agree with the following:
No Adjudication
Dr. Kaye has found that strategic couples therapy is relatively ineffective for couples where one partner accuses the other of infidelity, deceit or significant lying while the other partner denies it. Dr. Kaye will not act as a judge. Couples who fit this description are encouraged to find a different therapist.
Dr. Kaye will not act as a judge in disputes about who is guilty or who is to blame. When my partner and I disagree about the past and start to argue about it, Dr. Kaye will stop us from arguing. He will then redirect us to focus on current behaviors about which we can agree. He will not go along with disputed case-building about the past.
If one of us starts to levy multiple accusations on the other to establish a heavy burden of blame, then Dr. Kaye will intervene and direct us to focus on one issue at a time.
No Triangulation
When interpersonal conflicts arise with people outside of my immediate relationship, I accept the responsibility to deal with those conflicts directly without making my partner my agent. With extended family or in-laws, I will not try to “get” my partner to manipulate the other person who offends me. I understand that Dr. Kaye will emphasize direct communication between myself and the other instead of routing it through my partner. (Look up the definition of “triangulation.”}