Trust It’s one of those sacred words in relationship lingo that automatically projects an aura of goodness and wholesomeness. Conversely, “mistrust” seems to reek of evil and pathology. If you ever want to evoke visceral and mindless reaction from someone, just ask “Don’t you trust me?” Most people will reflexively and thoughtlessly reassure you that…
Set and keep firm limits First of all, let’s dispense with the notion of immediate “friendship.” If you’ve been struggling with a destructive relationship, then you’re going to need more distance than that. Friendship is possible when both parties have fairly good emotional boundaries around what’s private and not common ground. Coming from a destructive…
When I was a child my parents once gave me a book of children’s poems that contained the following lyric: Mother may I take a swim? Yes my darling daughter. Just hang your clothes on a hickory limb And don’t go near the water! – From “A Rocket In My Pocket” To many of us,…
“I need some space!” is a familiar expression to most of us, either from the giving or receiving end. I suspect that more women have heard this expression from men than vice-versa. This is probably because more men adopt the evader role in the pursuer-evader dance of boundary-troubled relationships. “Space” is the word that many…
In working with many couples Over the years, I have found certain themes to emerge again and again. Three of the most frequent themes are really myths about the nature of loving. As myths, they can be very destructive to intimacy. They lead to a misguided effort to create the illusion of love while ignoring…
For a good while For a good while, I’ve had to talk to numerous people about how to let go of harmful relationships. Getting out of harmful relationships has been a very hot topic in the press for several years. The topic seems relevant to the needs of many. However, there is a danger to…
Ahhh, that feeling! Your spirit soars. You feel like you’re being lifted higher and higher. If feels so good it must be right. Right? Maybe you’d better watch out for those cruel rocks below! How many of us have taken that flight, only to plummet to despair when our illusions are shattered. Perhaps the expression…
Intimacy The holy grail of relationships. At least it seems that way for those of us who have searched long and hard for the “right person.” I wonder how many of us really have gotten a clear picture of what we’re looking for. Where would we have gotten such a picture? From the cinema, from…
Love is the most powerful force force in the universe. Most of us actually believe that, if love is strong enough, it will create a healthy relationship in addition to changing the course of rivers and moving mountains. Forgive my indulgence in cynicism but the parallel is appropriate. For some relationships, a favorable outcome is…
How many times has each of us received an emotional wound followed by the justification, “I’m only being honest!” “Honesty” is like other sacrosanct words like “love”, “unselfish”, and “caring” that have the ability to put people’s forebrains to sleep. The mere utterance of the word has the ability to rationalize many behaviors that would…